Thankful.

This is going to be an extremely long blog. So bear with me. :)

1. I am thankful for my mom. She is the best mom in the world. She is the strongest, most patient, loving and kind person I know. She is my BEST friend. No one compares to her and no one has helped me more in my life. I love her SOOO much.

2. I am thankful for my family. Family is everything. My family has had its ups and downs. We fight, we bicker, we pick on each other, and we have our differences but at the end of the day I love them. All of them. Family is family. I know that everything has been crazy lately but I am thankful that heavenly father blessed me with them.

3. I am thankful for the church. I am thankful for Jesus Christ. I am thankful for my Heavenly Father. I am thankful for the blessings in my life. I am thankful for the Prophet. I am thankful for Joseph Smith. I am thankful for prayer. I am thankful for the scriptures. I am thankful that Families can be together FOREVER. To combine everything into one sentence I am thankful to be Mormon.

4. I'm thankful for my friends. My real friends. The friends that are always there. My friends that care and just call me to check up on me. I can't emphasize the word REAL friends enough. I have been blessed to meet so many great people in my life and I cherish all of you. Thank you for all that you do and say. Through the long distance, my bad days, my good days, and everything in between. My life wouldn't be the same without you. Since the day I've met all of you it's been life changing for me and I thank you for everything that you have done for me. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

5. I'm thankful for Brent. I would elaborate but I'm not going to. I'm thankful for him. We may not talk and have gone our separate ways in life but I'm thankful for everything he has taught me about myself. I'm thankful for all our memories. So thank you Brent, for being apart of my life. You've changed it in more ways than you could possibly understand.

6. I'm thankful for my 3 jobs. I may never have a free second but I am so thankful to have each of them. They keep me busy and all my co-workers rock. How the heck would I survive without them? I probably wouldn't. Thanks for being so awesome and putting up with me. :) hahaha, love all of you.

7. I'm thankful for my house, my car, and my clothes. :)

8. I'm thankful for music. It fills the soul with happiness, sadness, love, memories, and hope. It gets you through anything and everything.

9. I'm thankful for airplanes. So I can travel the world and it's efficient. :) It makes my life so much easier. (southwest airlines, you save my life)

10. Lastly, I'm thankful for showers. I love it when people smell wonderful. I also love to smell wonderful. So i'm definitely thankful for that. :)

I'm sure this list should be way longer but it's 2 in the morning and my lil niecer and I are getting tired. But I just wanted to dedicate a post to how thankful I am for everything. We should be more appreciative.

sleeping, sleeping, and sleeping.

This has honestly been the longest week of my life. As you know... or if you didn't know... I had surgery on Tuesday. I've been sleeping since Tuesday, it's Saturday. I woke up today and decided that I needed to go out and do something because I was literally making myself insane. So I went and got pedi's with Kayla and Ash.. which turned into shopping... and dinner... and catching up. :) Right before my surgery I got into a little funk, I know, I know, it's stupid. I just get in them! If anyone knows the cure to get out of a funk, please feel free to share. Anyways, I just got some unwanted news. Unfortunantly, I spent the 4 days sleeping and thinking and not being able to talk or move... the mind is a crazy place, well mine is.  So I spent the entire time listening to this...

and....

I think I listening to these each... 50 times during those 4 days. haha I've been so drugged that I hardly remember it. Except the songs gave me crazy dreams. I'd have this amazing dream and then i'd wake up... and i'd feel all the pain and then reality hit me. One of the days when I woke up I thought I woke up in a dungeon. I was freaking out but it was just three in the morning and the rain outside sounded like chains for some reason. So I made myself miserable. I don't get it. 

Apparently I'm really funny when I'm on pain killers... I think my filter just goes away. I don't get how brutally honest turns into funny... but i'll take it. 

anyways, that's a short little update. My drugs are starting to kick and the screens becoming a little fuzzy... ;) 

To sum it up...I am currently waiting for life to get better. If you could fit me into your prayers I would really appreciate that. :)

5 days

I definitely need to update on the past five days of my life.

Let's start with Nicoles birthday on Wednesday night! :)
Nicole, I freaking love you woman. I can't tell you how much fun I had. I know it was a little crazy but I'm super glad I came out and had a good night with you and Kell.

I met some new people and spent time in Seattle. It's always good to get out and away from home. Different scenery. :) I ended up getting home around 2:30am. hahaha

Josh's birthday was Thursday. We all went to bellevue and had a good time. So many random people. I saw an old friend and caught up with everyone that was there. I dragged Kelly and Nicole along with me. :) Those girls are just a good time.

Friday was Kayla's birthday. haha. We went to cow girls. I ended up riding that mechanical bull and seriously... my legs are permanently broken. I danced with Kayla since NO ONE else would. (you guys are LAMEEEEE) It was good to just dance! Sometimes I need to dance with my girls. :)

Saturday was my mom's birthday. :) She is AMAZING! I will try to post a video of it later.... but just to clarify I have the coolest mom in the world. I love her. We went out to chopsticks and listened to the music. It was surprisingly a lot of fun. Awkward at times since it was a bar but it was fun! Chels and I haven't had a sleepover in years so we decided that since she didn't have the babies for once... we would! :) I just love her.

Anyways, I barely made it through the weekend. I mainly blame Josh.
Somehow I managed to go out every night. I lost my voice. Rode a bull. Danced in public. Spent time with the family. Did some shopping. Worked. I don't know how I am still alive but I made it.

I actually had a ton of fun! :) I don't know if I could ever go five days straight again. I am in need of a major break. My entire sleep schedule is off... The day light kind of hurts my eyes since I'm so used to being awake at night. haha, I have some recovering to do.

I am really happy with how things are going in my life right now. I know that things have to get better... Slowly but surely. I'm working on making sure i'm happy. Keeping myself busy. All that good stuff.



That is a very quick update. I'M ALIVE, yay! :)

some favorites

Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.

-John Wooden

Tonight I am up looking at stuff online and working, like usual.

For those of you that are obsessed with quotes like I am...I have to blog about this site that I absolutely love! It's holliesquotes.com. I started looking at the website my senior year of high school and Hollie has gotten me through some pretty rough times to say the least. I can always find something I can relate to or that is somehow exactly what I'm feeling. 

Apparently I have all these feelings all of a sudden. Super annoying actually. I don't know how people have dealt with this their whole lives. Having actual feelings is weird. I don't like it. 

I have also become obsessed with stumbleupon. (thank you miranda) I could stumble for hours. It's like pages and pages of all these things that I love. :) 

My iphone has been terrible for me. Also, Chelsea's hubby Ty got me hooked on zombie highway. ugh. It can make for a really awkward moment in public whenever I'm playing that game.

lately, those are my obsessions. 

anyone else know of some good ones?

Dare I even ask? haha

changes

love my jessa. :)

Probably 90% on the time I blog on here I don't post it to facebook but tonight I feel like sharing. :)

In my life it seems like all the weeks are blending together. I want a change. I don't know why I am like that. I'm just ready to get out of here and move on with my life. Maybe that's running away... hahaha, either way. Now I just want to figure out where to go and what to do. I've had some options in the past couple of months but none of them feel right. Plus everything with work has been crazy, so I don't feel like picking up and leaving right now is fair to everyone I work with.

I have realized recently how much I have changed in the past couple of years. For the most part it's been in the last 6 months... but I look back on pictures or moments in my life and they seem so far away now. I can hardly remember that day or what we did... and then there are moments where I remember the entire day and everything that happened. It's strange the things we remember. (or the things we don't)

I've also realized that everyone perceives things differently. I have learned so much about myself, people, work, and life in general but I wonder if someone had gone through everything that I have if they would have walked away learning the same things I have... If everyone thought the same way as me... then I would get along with everyone because we would all constantly agree... That's not the case. But that's how we learn. Sometimes it's through other people that we grow the most.

I have had the song "Love The Way You Lie" Stuck in my head for the past couple of days. It describes kind of how I feel. It's a love/hate thing. I am upset somedays, but I am happy too! I have had some horrible things happen but I have also had some amazing things happen. They even themselves out. I would not be who I am or learn the things I did if I would have never gone through the things I have. It's been quite the ride. I miss my life 5 months ago but at the same time I don't. I can't wish to be somewhere I'm not. We are meant to live our lives forward, not backwards.

I talked with someone tonight that is going through something similiar to what I went through! For the first time in months it felt good to tell someone that everything was going to be okay. One thing that he said was "that's my problem, i just sit and think and drive myself nuts. it really sucks, luke every single day I just think about how all of this could have so easily been avoided had it not been for my selfishness" and I just wish I could have hugged him. We talked about regrets and second chances... and sometimes there are no second chances. No matter what we would give to have them. We only get one chance and we mess up! We are human! I don't think we are meant to do everything right. Jesus died for our sins. Knowing that we'd mess up. That's not an open door to purposely make mistakes but he understands and gets that we make mistakes. We just have to learn. I have hurt some great people and some great people have hurt me. I learned today in a lesson that the best thing to do about that is... to forgive. It's no longer my burden to bear. God can decide what happens.

hmmm, thats all for now. ;)

Blessed

I have felt so blessed lately with the people in my life. I haven't been myself for the past couple months and every time I start to get back into the groove of things something else happens that slows me back down. With that being said I am surrounded by some amazing people. I get calls at least once a day from someone that is worried about me or wants to tell me that they are thinking of me. They don't know how much that means to me. Seriously, thank you. I am one big work in progress. It's the little things! :)

A little update on what's been going on...

For one, my wisdom teeth are impacted... All four. Which has been causing my jaw to lock up. Constantly! So I am getting them all taken out on the 4th! :( everyone I talk to has a horror story... I am not looking forward to that at all. Then as I was leaving my dentist appointment I'm on the phone with my insurance and I also almost punched a cop in the face. He gave me a ticket for talking on my cell phone. $124, thankkkkk youuuu. Not. I get that it's against the law, it was just so annoying.

Mmm, that's all I've got for now. :)
Xoxo

just feel like venting... :)

In the past couple of months my life has changed quite a bit. I have never been one to get super upset about things...but it seems like lately everything has been getting to me. I'm just on edge. It's not even that I get mad at people. It's just that things bother me or hurt my feelings really easily and it's super weird. I've been the most annoyed with people that talk about me. I'm not sure what the point of talking bad about someone is. It doesn't make them look any better. I have always tried to do my best and not talk about people. Especially people I don't know or people that are going through a rough time. I've heard the strangest things said about me. Like i'm a stalker... I would really like to meet this person I'm stalking... apparently I have all this free time I don't know about. If i'm a stalker then you might as well call me superwoman because there is no way I could fit time in to stalk someone unless you clone me. I barely have enough hours in the day as it is. Then there's the fact that I blogged about Brent. Get over it. It's my blog. I cared about him, always will. End of story. Let me blog about whatever I want. If you're going to spend the time reading my blog and then go and call people to talk crap about me, be my guest. Just so you know, you are stupid. :) Another thing, if you are only on my facebook to stalk me and talk badly about me... do yourself a favor and go to the ride side where is says unfriend. We are adults (most of us) we should act like it.

Aside from all of that. I am sooo happy!! :)
Slammed busy, but happy.
I just wanted to get that little vent off my chest.
It's just funny the things you hear about yourself sometimes. It's like... where do people come up with this stuff.

My blog. My stories. My life.

"because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like it's caving in on you. sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist, like they want to just curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life and death. saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die". it's saying "I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel". I don't think there's anything wrong with that. and if you don't know how it feels to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does"


If you are reading my blog to make fun of me or to talk about me. Have some respect and don't read my blog. I am a person too and I have feelings and if you don't like your feelings to be hurt... understand that I don't either.

Mr. Farris

   My Daddy

My dad has been on my mind a lot lately. They recently found out the cause of ALS. Which is awesome because that means they are closer to finding a cure... or at least medicine that can help with pain for those that have ALS. (learn about ALS here) With all of this circling my mind for the last couple of days I had an interesting experience tonight.

I had a guy randomly ask me tonight if I was Mr. Farris' daughter. After I told him I was he started with a story. He said in the second grade every day after school he chopped wood to earn money. He had a life savings of $35 and he kept it in a wallet in his jacket. One day he took his jacket off at the play ground and forgot it. The next day he couldn't find it. A couple of days went by and my dad pulled him into his office and asked him how he was doing. He started crying and told my dad he lost his wallet and his only jacket and his parents were going to be upset. My dad pulled the jacket out and said, "I happened to walk through the play ground and saw the wood chips on the jacket and knew it was yours"...

The guy that told me the story is in his late 30's now and he was crying when he was telling me the last part of the story. He said he honestly believes my dad saved his life. To me it was a jacket with $35 in it, but the way he worded the story I could tell that my dad had this very special place in his heart. I'm not sure why my dad saved his life, but I believe him.

After that I decided that I needed to call it a night.

It's strange how being back in this area brings back so many memories for me. It's bittersweet. Some days I can handle it and some days it's hard. I've lost some great people. Some passed away and some moved on and are in different places in their lives... It makes me thankful for all the great times I've had in my life and all the memories i'll never forget. Life is so short and I know I take that for granted. One thing my dad always taught me was that no one was perfect but we should learn to love them anyways.

6 weeks!

"Pain makes you stronger, tears makes you braver, heartbreak makes you wiser...so thank the past for a better future"

I have hit the 6 week mark of me and Brent. You know how some people hate a certain day of the week. For example. wednesdays, because it's "hump day". Well I can't say I look forward to Tuesdays. Every Tuesday means another week without talking to him. Here we are....6 weeks later. That is just crazy talk. I think I have accepted everything. I'm not okay with it but I have accepted it and am now in the process of moving on. In the last 6 weeks I have made new friends and each day I realize more and more how much I needed them. The future holds something very special and I can't wait to find out what it is. :) Until then I'm just gonna SMILE. :)

(I'm sorry but this picture should make anyone smile, haha) 

The single life has been interesting. I don't feel single, so I don't act single. I don't like being asked for my number, its awkward. Flattering sometimes, but awkward. I don't like any sort of compliments. If you want to hang out the first thing that comes out of your mouth should not be "your eyes are green".

I am not in Utah anymore. So guys are more open about what they are thinking.

A couple things I've learned since I've been back out on the reservation...

1. I can now understand the slang. For example... I know where "the other end is", "the quil", "the dead zone", and the little phrases people use.
2. I am officially not hated at the coffee stand. When I got back from Utah people asked "where have you been?". Offroad has been around for a long time... So when the regulars miss you, it's a compliment. :)
3. Out here... you knock twice and then walk in. I still can't do that because I feel weird just walking into someone's house... but even if you don't know them... that's normal. hahaha
4. If you hang out with any guys... their ex girlfriends will punch you in the face. <--- I wish I would have known that one.
5. everything I wear they consider to be "grandma"
6. everyone hates everyone else but loves them at the same time. It's confusing.
7. someone is ALWAYS watching.
8. The Fryberg's make up 10% of the tribe. 400 of them. 4000 tribal members. Yet somehow everyone is related to everyone else. I have cousins that I didn't even know were my cousins.
9. If you want someone to meet you at the casino... you call it the "big house"
10. If you don't want people to get annoyed with you just always pretend you know what they are talking about. :)


My trip to Utah was great! I needed a little vacation and some time with my family. I got to see Tiff, Ash, Miranda, and Shaid! After almost 4 months without them I can definitely say I missed them. I went to Kelsi's wedding and got to see grandma and grandpa! (her grandma and grandpa but i've adopted them as well) I can't believe kels is married! Everyone is doing really good! I'm happy for them! It's good to know that the people you love are so happy in life. Makes you happy.

x's and o's

I am posting while driving... This is what happens when you are in a car for 13 hours straight. :)

At some point we all run into our ex's. That awkward run in that we all dread. I've been thinking about if it's possible to be friends with an ex. I think out of all the guys I've dated I am only friends with one and the rest I don't talk to anymore. 

I've been trying to get country music back into my life. I love country and I always have but it makes things worse for me right now. I'm sorry but I don't care if you run into your ex on an airplane after 10 years... they don't magically realize they still love you and drop their life to be with you. You are an exception. That does not happen. Thanks Tim Mcgraw for the upbeat song and all but that's unrealistic. 

^obviously integrating country music back into my life has been a task in itself.

So here's my dilemma lately with Mr. Brent. 

I've been debating blocking him on facebook because anytime I see that he "liked" something or comments on something I just wanna curl up into a ball. It's like in my head he died and seeing that he's still alive doesn't seem real. It's like someone came up to me and punched me in the stomach as hard as they could. For whatever reason I can't get myself to block him. In it's own way it makes me happy to know he's happy and that he's living his life. I guess I don't really know what's going on in his life based on what he comments... but you get what i'm saying. I want to be friends with him... Not because I really want to be friends but because honestly I miss him. I just want to be apart of his life but that's not healthy. Nothing about that is healthy. So here I am... in this rut...

and I just can't help but feel like he misses me too. I know he hates me. But I feel like he misses me. Maybe that's weird. However, I can't just text him and be like "hey, I was wondering... do you miss me?" that wouldn't go over well.

How do you date other people when you are in love with someone else. you don't.

I had a conversation with a guy friend of mine that doesn't know Brent (which not very many people do and if they do know him they don't know him very well) and he said, just text him. Tell him that you miss him. I have a hard time with that. He knows that I miss him. I'm sure all of his little friends tell him everything that I say on my blog or on facebook and that is 100% fine by me. I just don't want to make him mad. I mean maybe my blogs make him mad and hearing about me makes him mad... but texting him is different. I think what's best is for us to get over it but at the same time if I was going to start getting over it I would have by now. I can't get over something because everyone else wants me to. I will get over it when I am ready.

It's also not something you can put a time limit on. There's no little alarm on my phone three months from now that says "text Brent"... because let's face it. I'm probably not going to be ready three months from now. Even if I was it's just awkward. Things are not the SAME and they aren't going to be and I know that. I want to text him but there's nothing left to say. We have said it all. If there was something to say, something to fix it, something to make us happy then I would have done that by now. There isn't though. It's done and I know it's done and it's sad. It has been one of the biggest lessons I have learned. Don't get me wrong. I am living my life. I am happier and happier every day. I may not necessarily be my HAPPIEST but with each day I find something to smile about. One thing that I don't think many people understand is that we (all of us) are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We can handle more than we know. We will get through it. It's a process and each one of us handle things in our own way but we will eventually get through it. We make ourselves or convince ourselves. We grow. We learn. We adapt. 

I constantly hear the quote "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle" 

It's crazy because we can handle ALOT and God knows that. He tests us and there are times when we want to give up but we don't. That is how we grow. We get pushed down to get back up. To appreciate things more and to become better people. 

I guess I've got a lifetime to figure it out. I'm 21. I'm sure in 6 months when i'm blogging about something else all of you can remind me how stuck I was on brent and how annoying my blog posts were.

best advice I have... don't read my blog if you don't want to know what's going on in my head.

happy thoughts

Today was an awesome day! :)

For starters I went out shopping with my mom for a little bit and had NO LUCK. Which I guess is a good thing because I didn't spend any money on clothes. I definitely don't NEED anymore... I just like to shop. :)

After that I went over to Kaitlyn's place and just hung out for a little while. My brother got off work at 6 so I went and picked him up to go to Morgan and Jared Browns wedding! :) They looked so happy. Morg was gorgeous as always.

It was one big reunion there. I probably haven't been around some of those people in a good 5 years. It was great to catch up and hear how everyone is doing! I seriously feel so old. Half the time I forget I'm 21. It's crazy. All my friends getting married and having babies. haha, life. goodness.

After that whole ordeal I went out with Kaitlyn and Fitz. Ran into a bunch of people while we were out. Basically it was just nice to get out.

----->Funny thing, I found out a lot more people read my silly little blog than I thought. I guess I should apologize. My brain is slightly crazy. It has a million things going on all the time and my posts are always random.<-----

Something happened tonight that made me really happy. I'm not going to say what or why because it doesn't really make sense but let's just say it's good to know that people love you.

It doesn't matter how they love you or why they love you or if they love you but half hate you. Love is stronger than anything. It's the hardest thing to get over and I cherish that. Honestly, the world would be a sad place without love and it's such a blessing. I think everyone perceives love in a different way and sometimes we do silly things out of love. Sometimes stupid things. haha


With that being said, I think it's wonderful because everyone is loved by someone. :)

That is something to smile about.

I know, random. I have a lot going on in my life right now. I just want to make sure I count my blessings and work towards having a happy future. I don't want to focus on things that don't matter or that won't matter. If it's not going to bother me in 2 weeks why should it bother me now?

P.S
COUNTDOWN TO UTAH. :)
3 days.
I cannot wait.

once.

Today it has officially been a month of Brent and I not talking.

I'm not over it anymore today than I was yesterday. 

In fact I miss him more today than I did yesterday.

It builds up and some days are worse than others but there isn't anything I can do about that.

It's weird to talk to someone everyday for a year and then just not anymore.

I keep telling myself it's for the best and that everything happens for a reason.

I love rascal flatts and today that song just reminded me of him.

He kinda ruined all my favorite songs, haha.

One thing that has been on my mind lately is the fact that I have never drank or done a drug in my life.

I am so glad I never have. 

I think they would have done nothing but bad things for me.

I can't imagine drinking and feeling as crappy as I have lately.

and then have to deal with a hangover the next day.

no thanks.

haha, I don't mean that offensive to anyone.

I'm just saying for me personally I'm glad I've done that.

Those are my thoughts for the day.
Have a good one.
<3

Greg Farris

I cannot sleep for the life of me tonight. My minds racing and since I can't sleep I'm going to blog.

Today was really weird for me. Country music was playing at work and every time I hear "crazy girl" I think of Brent and I'm in a funk for the rest of the day. Between that "stuck like glue" and "tomorrow"... country was a HORRIBLE idea. Anyways, when my day starts off like that it's really hard to get out of it. So I finished up at work and decided I needed to go out and do something otherwise I'd probably sit at home and watch a sad movie and just be lame. Which I'm trying not to be lame anymore. I did that for long enough.

So Chaz and I went to dinner and chatted. :) We went out to meet up with some other friends and while we were out I read this thing on facebook about my dad. There were actually quite a few posts about him. It just really got to me. (My dad passed away from ALS in 2000, he had it for over 2 years)

I think about him all the time. Especially now that I am so close to where I grew up and I have all these memories with him here. I can't believe it's been 11 years. However, I haven't looked at it in a sad way in a really long time. The way I see it is... I was blessed with AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING parents and I was so lucky and privileged to have 10 years with my dad.

I know everything happens for a reason. We are here to learn and grow and become better people. I am a better person because of my dad.

This is a PERFECT example of how the TINIEST things make a huge difference. Those people don't know me on a personal level and they weren't writing about my dad hoping i'd see it. But they sure changed my day without even knowing.

Thank you. I needed that.

the past 3 months. haha

I have not blogged... in almost 3 months.

So much has changed since then and it's going to be hard to update on everything...

For starters Brent and I aren't together. I haven't really been ready to talk about it but I think it's best if I just get it out there. As of today it's officially been 3 weeks without him. Here's a list of daily issues....
1. I miss him every single day.
2. I write out a text to him telling him I miss him and delete it because it makes me feel better.
3. I have never noticed how many candy blue subaru's I pass but it's pretty much every other car.
4. I cannot listen to the radio, period.
5. Every time the sun comes out I just wanna call him to hang out!!

I have decided that everyone gets over things in their own time. If it were an option to be with him then I would still be trying but I want him to be happy more than anything and that means that we needed to go our separate ways. My friends have put up with my sob story for the past three months and let me tell you they are the best. I know I was annoying. I was trying to figure everything out and not lose him but that kind of happened anyways. It's been really hard and I'm still figuring out how to work through it but I think this is something i'll have to get through on my own. On a positive note, I have been going out and keeping busy... I know there were a lot of people that didn't understand and I really wasn't talking about it but I think that sums everything up and we can just drop it from here on out.


Other news, with this whole start-your-entire-life-completely-over binge that i've been on... I went and bought a new car. :) hahaha. I love it. I have had a jeep since I could drive and I figured it was about time to try something new... something faster too. Anyways, I got a mazdaspeed3. :) goodbye jeep, hello better gas mileage!

I moved into my house! Oh my goodness it's so nice to have my bed after sleeping on the futon for 3 months! Plus... I've got plenty of room for all my clothes. :) :) :)

speaking of clothes... umm nordstrom sale this year, huge success. I decided that since Boom City was a nightmare that I could spoil myself... haha. I went a little overboard but it's NORDSTROMS. I couldn't help myself.

Oh that's right... Boom City... in a nut shell it was 17 days of torture and my sister and I barely made it out alive. I will not expand on that because it is a waste of typing.

My best friend had her baby a week ago today!! AHHH. I am soo excited!! I talked to her today and am so excited to meet little Jax! I hear he was a little stubborn being born but it was all worth it. I can't believe it. She just had her one year anniversary too. Time seriously flies by.

My little baby Jessa turned 1. I feel like I was in the hospital like last week watching her come into the world. Unfortunately that was a year ago and the little princess is walking. She's stinkin' cute though.

Lastly, I am working like crazy between the two jobs. It's definitely keeping me sidetracked. I've been playing volleyball again which has been awesome. I don't know why I stopped... and I've been working out like no tomorrow. I've been missing ASU!! I left for a reason but you cannot beat 80 degree weather all the time. haha

side note: I'm planning a trip to hawaii, please feel free to come. :)

So things may not be perfect but I have some great things going on and time heals everything.

:)

that blog was a little ridiculous. haha

rambling...

So today I FINALLY got to talk to ALI! :) I seriously miss that girl! I can't want for her to move back in July... and have her little baby!!! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am for her and how great of a mom she's going to be! It just made my day talking to her and she just knows how to cheer me up. I don't think anyone quite gets me like her... and sometimes I don't think she gets me she just understands how to deal with me... which is a task in itself.

I'm back in Everett for the time being. I've been working for my sister out at her coffee stand and at Lucky in Seattle. The one nice thing about being home is that no matter what my family is so close! I don't think I realized how much I hated Utah. The other day I picked my niece and nephew up and my niece wouldn't get out of the car or out of her car seat for that matter. We literally picked her up and carried her into my sisters car while she was still sitting in her car seat pouting. :/ Cute little thing.

There have been some crazy things going on lately and my mind has been in a jumble but I know that things will work themselves out and no matter what things can get better. I've just been a little stressed and I'm hoping that things chill out. Time will tell.


Side note, I have officially not had facebook for 2 weeks. :) I'm sure i'll reactivate it eventually but it's been so nice not having it!

I've been on a ramble today... I just haven't blogged in awhile and don't really have that much to update on!

<3 Kaella

CHOPPED.

Today.. well technically yesterday... I cut off 8 and a half inches of my hair! I had miranda do it and let me tell you... I love it. :) I needed some change and I'm definitely excited to have it short! I miss my long hair but sometimes it's good for a change.

Ladies!

So if you are a boy and you read my blog... stop reading now because you won't want to read what I write.

So ladies... I want to know your secrets! This past week has been absolutely horrible for me. I don't know if it's age or if my life is ending... but I have been having the WORST cramps of my entire life. I want to know what you do. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I'm dying. I also feel like I can't control my moods at all.

So...
Here are my questions
#1. Is this normal?
#2. What can I do to make them go away. (i've tried the generic stuff, I want your tricks)

back in utah.

I'm back in Utah. Again. I don't want to sit and write a depressing blog about how horrible Utah is but for whatever reason it always takes me a couple days to adjust to being here. It's like I have too much time to think. So I feel like I over think everything and then I just make myself in this weird mood. I feel like when I'm in washington I know what's going on but then when I'm back here I'm an outsider. I've been spending the last two days with my mom and if it wasn't for her I would be sitting at home doing homework and watching episodes of House. This next month is going to go by fast but when I go home everything will be different again. I'll miss my mom. I'll miss this beautiful sunshine that Utah's been having. :) and I'll miss Kelso.

boys and their video games.

Currently I am sitting at Brent's watching the boys play Fifa. This might sound boring but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. The only reason I want to go back to Utah is for my mom and Kelso. They don't know this but when I move here I'm packing them up with me. :) I just have so much fun here and I hate the thought of leaving. I honestly feel like I just got here and it's already Sunday! I need to remind myself not to book tickets at 7:00 am either... no one likes waking up at 5 to go to the airport. Especially me. This weekend consisted of relaxing. :) I've done some major catching up with miss Kaitlyn! I think we definitely needed that. haha, the two of us are always on the same page. That's all I'm going to update on for now... I think they're almost done with their game.

video games. oh goodness.

-kaella

FALE. ;)

Lately I've had a close friend of mine go through some struggles in her life. I wanted to dedicate a post to her and tell her how much I look up to her and love her. I know that my life is not perfect and there will come a time when things aren't so great... but for right now I don't have much to complain about. This girl on the other hand has had everything imaginable happen to her in the last couple of months. She may spend nights crying but she picks herself up and I love her for that. She deserves the best. This specific person is the best of the best and my life wouldn't be the same without her. I think sometimes people just need to be told that they are loved. You may not be the person they are looking for to love them, but love is powerful. Maybe today everyone could spend a little less time worrying about themselves and reach out to people that need some love. Cheer someone up.

I'll start by saying this to anyone that's reading my blog.
I love you. Pass it on.

-Kaella

random thoughts.

I haven't posted in a month. How is that possible and where has the past month gone?? It's been quite the whirl wind. I know I talk about this great guy in my life but he really is great. He's my best friend and someone that can always make me feel better.

One phrase i've really come to dislike is "high school drama" because let me tell you. It doesn't just stop in high school because most people don't ever grow up. I've noticed that not only are there people in my past that I love and respect but I also want the very best for them. I think people deserve to be happy. That may seem random but it applies to things going on in my life.

Another thing that's been on my mind lately is my family. THEY ARE CRAZY. I love them though. Every single person in my family is so different but we try to meet in the middle. Sometimes we are too quick to judge one another because we love each other so much and want the best... but in the end I think being a family and being apart of a family is much more important.

I don't exactly know where I was trying to go with that.

I'm sure my blog doesn't make sense to anyone but a few select people. That's fine. :)
I blog more to write out everything and I confuse myself so if you don't understand it's okay. I over think my life. The over thinking has started to grow on me. Some days I hate it but others I appreciate it.

Everything I just wrote is what goes on in my brain in about thirty seconds. VERY RANDOM. Totally out of control... but that's how I think. hahaha

I'm done for the night.

-Kaella

I MISS WASHINGTON!! :(
Every time I go back I don't want to leave. The countdown begins... 2 months. Part of me wishes that I would have taken this semester off! Anyways, I had a great weekend. I finally got my license renewed! :) I feel old. hahaha, 21 is not that exciting.

<3 Kaella

Feb. 10-14th

I have to say I had an amazing birthday this year. Brent came to visit in Utah. :) We ate tons of great food and watched lots movies. I think he was a little upset it didn't snow while he was here. Friday night we went out to dinner with a bunch of my friends! Then they all came to my apartment and we just hung out and caught up. Saturday Brent snuck away and got me the cutest bear from build-a-bear for my birthday (It even sings). My friend Kelsi and I took the boys out for Valentines day. We went to a really good place to eat and saw a movie! On Monday Brent brought me flowers. They were soo pretty. I think I'm pretty lucky. :) I don't know what else to say about my birthday. I had the best time and couldn't stop smiling. Now I'm back to work and I can't wait to move back to Washington in the summer. I'm hoping this semester goes by fast! I feel like when I blog I ramble on about so many random things... but hey I guess that's what blogs are for.

Birthdayyy

So my birthday is in a week! I can't believe I am turning 21. To those of you that are still "underage" it's really not that exciting. Trust me. It actually makes me feel really old and I still miss high school sometimes.  I think those were some of the best years of my life. You don't realize how simple life is... Now I work and go to school and I'm constantly busy and feel like I have no life. Another thing that's kinda weird... all my friends are getting engaged and having babies...! I'm so happy for them but it's so weird that we're at that age. We're all growing up too fast. :/ haha, I know that sounds lame but it's so true. Lately I've missed my old friends from high school and just doing dumb things. Now all my friends are in different states doing different things. They have all accomplished so much. Just makes me happy. :)
Those are my thoughts for now.


Also, do not take an accounting class unless you don't want to have a life. It's horrible.

2011

Happy New Year!! :)

I'm hoping that this year is going to be amazing! So far it's been pretty good! I'm going to copy Ali and try harder to blog more. I just need to learn to find the time. So let's see.. So far this new year some amazing things have happened. I spent the new year with some friends in Seattle! My friend Britney came with me from Utah and she had never been to Washington! We ended up eating some amazing food and enjoying our vacation. I'd have to say this trip home was amazing. :) I was kinda sad to leave. Another great thing... My best friend is pregnant. :) Congrats to Ali and Mckay. I can't wait to babysit!! And other than that I'm about to move into my own apartment by myself! So they seem like little changes but they are going to really change things but I'm excited. I turn 21 in a month... I don't know what the hype is about turning 21 but when you don't drink... the only exciting thing is I get my concealed weapons... hahahaha. Anyways, I started classes on Tuesday and one thing I've learned is the longer you are in school the harder the classes are. So that's about it in my life right now. School, work, moving, and missing Washington.